ICU's are horrible places to be. Dealing with the worst case scenario of a loved one on a daily basis is exhausting and stressful. One of the worst of these circumstances: a heart attack. My brother has had two. The first was the traditional heart attack with all the symptoms - "arms feeling like lead, elephant sitting on the chest", a trip to the ER, two shocks and he was brought back.
The 2nd heart attack took him on a journey in which much what he, and all of us (his family) learned what he needed to know after he needed to know it. Experience can be a harsh mistress because as we found out, there is a lot you may not know. That's why I started this blog. Both my brother Rick and I (and everyone else involved), want everyone to learn so this horrific and yet inspiring experience can serve others. Knowledge gives you power over such dire circumstances.
A quick preface: The start of his journey was at Lifetime Fitness, with his 2nd heart attack. Here's the thing: not every heart attack feels like the one described above. In this one, as he reported later, he felt nothing. One minute was on the treadmill feeling fine, a month later waking up in the ICU.
The body is amazing to say the least. The in-house staff managed to get the heart started again and then began a most amazing, gut wrenching journey from that point in 2006 until today.
By the time we arrived to the ER waiting room, Rick had flat lined for TEN minutes. Here are some learnings to begin:
1.
What the doctors say and what you can say:
When the doctor starts painting it black, and your loved one isn't dead yet, speak UP. Rest assured he is dialoguing with the medical team in the same way. You can diplomatically ask for the doctor to speak as if anything is possible and this patient could still make it.
I did this with my brother's cardiologist when he tried to give us the news Rick wouldn't make it. I simply said, "Doctor Tan, I believe words have power. I believe he can hear you. While you are standing over my brother, could you please consider that anything is possible and use your words accordingly?" My tone was respectful. He nodded and he honoured the request, with our family as well as my brother.
2.
Visiting the ICU:
Since you will be in there daily, resist the temptation to bug the nurses. In fact, immediately pick
one communicator for your family/friend (patient advocate) group. The communicator or patient advocate's job is to take notes, and give the complete information to everyone else on a
daily basis.
While in the room with your loved one, don't wear cologne or perfume or even strong smelling lotion. My brother reported later that his senses were enhanced to the point that even a small amount of perfume made him want to choke. He couldn't speak or communicate this at the time.
Questions to ask:
* What are the medications being given? Why? Are they necessary?
* What are the procedures being done? Why? Are they necessary? And very important: What is the name of the doctor performing them? (This is vitally important if something goes awry later, you will need the name and phone number. The hospital will make you find that information, they only record the procedure and it isn't legible in the chart anyway).
* If a staff member walks in and asks repetitive questions, ask their name and specialty. If you never see them again, they should not be paid. This is known as "warming the hands over the body".
ICU "rules":
You should listen to what the medical staff tells you up to a point. But if your gut feel or intuition tells you something is wrong,
listen!
Example: If a nurse tries to keep you away from your loved one, saying "they need their rest", don't listen to them. NO ONE 'rests' while in the ICU. Something is being done to them every 1-2 hours. Something is up with that. In my brother's case, it was an almost deadly encounter.
One common rule ICU's have that doesn't make sense: no water allowed for the patient. Your loved one will suffer and suffer needlessly with this "rule".
Here is what you can do: You can give them
small sips of water.
Here's how: if it won't compromise the situation and can be done safely, raise the bed so they can be sitting up. Prepare their mouths by swabbing it with a wet washcloth or paper towel. Let them suck on a wet sponge if they can. Then, with them sitting up, gently lean them forward, chin down (if possible). Allow them to take one small sip of
filtered water at first. NO gulping. Let them ask for more by nodding. Talk them through this, it might be scary or they may be disoriented.
Even if they are on an ventilator, if they have their eyes open, they can be assisted to do this. If water is not an option, ask them if they think they could have ice chips are crushed ice. Very small amounts though, 1 teaspoon at a time.
Visit daily. It is a proven fact that patients with visitors recover much faster. This is because not only are they aware of the support, conscious or unconscious, but also because that the medical staff give more attention and care to a patient that is cared about. My brother reported that there were those in other rooms, under less severe circumstances, that had no visitors and didn't make it.
Different communication will be needed. Watch your loved one's face. Watch their body language. Example: The eyes will grow wide as if panicked if they are about to vomit. This happened to my brother. He couldn't speak but he deliberately made his eyes wide and looked over at the nurse. She missed the cue and it ended up all over him. Tune in hard and you'd be surprised how quickly you can find a different way to communicate, which is vital to them feeling safe and supported.
Love is the most powerful form of communication. One of the easiest ways is to always touch them. Hold their hand, touch their arm..and a kiss on the forehead does wonders. Of course, you will be wanting to do this anyway, just don't think it can ever be too much. Constant loving reassurance is a potent element in recovery.
If they can write, great. If not, you can. Draw pictures and words and let them point.
Come up with a speaking code where they can nod yes or shake their head no.
This may seem elementary. Under stress the basics can sometimes be overlooked so I decided to include them in this blog.
And more to come...the journey through the hospital stays, rehab facilities, and subsequent heart transplant began in July 2006. It is and was a gauntlet. Your experience doesn't have to include some of the same experiences and hopefully by reading these posts, should you have to experience a hospital stay with someone very ill or in extreme trauma, you'll be well equipped to deal with nearly every aspect of an elongated hospital and/or medical facilities experience.
